Time
They say that time heals all wounds, and after losing my father at age 10 I’m not sure I believed that. After losing Neal at age 31, I’m even less of a believer. It’s been almost 7 months, and narry a day has come that I haven’t missed Neal. Each time my phone beeps letting me know a text message has been delivered, I hurry to check and see what off the wall comment Neal might be sending me. Every time my phone rings after 10 on a weeknight, I grab for it, and the words “What’s UUUUUPPPPPP NEALY?” are on the tip of my tongue. We all have gone about our daily lives, with a hole in our hearts, and a gaping chasm in our reality. Neal was that much a part of my life, and many others from what I have gathered, that “time” will not be enough to heal this wound.
However, though my heart remains filled with sadness, and my daily routine filled with loss and malaise, I cannot shake the feeling that Neal continues to influence my life even though he is no longer physically here. Having been so blessed to know Neal, it’s impossible for me to dwell on the negative in his passing. I know, in my heart, that it wouldn’t have been his approach. Instead, he would have gone on….celebrating his loved one who had passed, and attempting to live his life in a way that would have honored them….indeed, to have become that much stronger, that much more of an example to others. (Not that it would have been possible for Neal to have done this, but there certainly is room for me to grow closer to having the type of impact he had)
I was recently introduced to a song, the words to which remind me of what Neal meant to me, and how I hope to continue changing my own life.
“I like to write colorful songs. About beauty, and honesty, and people gettin’ along. I like to be, with people like me. Keeping faith and hope, and the best in all that they see. You taught me, that everything isn’t always roses. You taught me that everyone isn’t always true. You taught me to live in, all that I’ve been given, to hold back a little bit for myself. You taught me to buy, just a little bit of time, so that I can escape with myself”
Neal, I still miss you.
Shawn Dailey
